Most of the people who claim to be relationship experts and gurus are some combination of idiots, arrogant, grifters, dunning Kruger effect in thinking reading one book makes them an expert, con artists, snake oil sales, saying random crap in selling the soul to make a quick buck. From everyone I’ve read on all thing’s relationship, Shawn Smith appears to be my favorite.
He is a doctor who has studied and is a licensed psychologist in Denver, Colorado. He has a personal website at ironshrink.com, and can also be found on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/user/ShawnTSmith/videos
He has written and sold multiple books, with my favorite being The Tactical Guide to Women.
Below are my favorite tips of advice from him that I have gathered.
-you are the gatekeeper of your life
-injury leads to cynicism
-you have a duty to be gatekeeping relationships as a man
-people instinctively go for someone on their own level
-most average joes won’t save the world as they are duty driven and will go to the grave for a bad marriage
-look for emotional maturity, mental stability, shared values, character
-men who marry well are happier, live longer, more satisfied, better careers, make more money and more sex
-a person who only exists to give and get love is either entirely wise or running a hidden agenda
-what is someone’s shadow ?
-just because someone is loyal to you, does not mean you should be loyal to them. -Men often get into relationships with women out of obligation, and many men go to the grave in this unhappy situation
-Men are terrible at gate keeping relationships
-be the gatekeeper to your life; mindful about the relationships you allow into your world. They dictate your future
-go to where you are wanted, not where you are treated badly
-he recommends preferring to meet women in real life rather than online as that is where they can see your personality
Ask yourself before bringing a woman into your life:
-honeymoon phase doesn’t allow man or woman to see the other person correctly. 9 to 16 months; when you each start to look like humans with weaknesses. Then you are out of infatuation and get to see what the other person is about.
-naive, idealistic and weak to strong, capable, resourceful, aware, generous.
-pay attention to how you respond to her character. Look at the character of the other person, the small clues
1- idealization; the other person refuses to see your flaws, only the positives. women put all their eggs of emotional health onto you. Illusions become disillusionment eventually. Disappointment, loss of emotional regulation. Red flag
2- intuition; pay attention to your intuition, don’t ignore it
-reticular system, ascending reticular system travels up to consciousness or some nonverbal information. DO NOT IGNORE IT. Stop and ask what your brain and body is telling you and why it would tell you that
3 – confusion
-no win situations, mixed signals, mind games. If the relationship feels like work, a confusing feeling, tired, draining, it’s not a good
relationship
4- Lynch pin connection the first three; time. Reduce uncertainty by extending the time horizon
Woman after a certain age push the pace on marriage, men need to do the opposite and not allow time to speed up
-men who spend too much time in courtship have shorter lives, and women who spend too much time being choosy have shorter lives
-the gatekeeper is not the woman or sex; you are the prize also
-look for emotional stability, insight, good humour
-now, there is an inherent danger in men pursuing woman, by the woman, and not by other men.
-family, money, sex: if you start out wrong on any of these it’s not going to get better
-emotional nuisance; a lack of black and white