Alain de Botton has been the main voice of the YouTube channel The School of Life narrating most of the videos produced from the channel. The channel focuses on emotional life ranging on topics from self-understanding, calm, and emotional maturity. I’m a subscriber myself and will watch some of the videos on and off. He’s also published a best seller Essays in Love, with over 2 million copies sold. Given the number of copies he has sold on love, I’ve gathered his top pieces advice on love.
Love is a skill, that needs to be taught and learned. Following only on your feelings is not wise in the long run for finding the right partner.
-love: applying charity and compassion in interpretation and judgment. Admiration of strengths and also tolerance of weakness
-Maturity: everyone is a shade of gray
-“follow your heart” has not worked in this impulsive romantic culture
-people don’t look for what makes them happy, they look for what is familiar. A quest to look for what suffering is familiar. As a result, looking for what is familiar is often not the best strategy to find the right life partner.
-to succeed in life and in marriage, one should be a good teacher, a good communicator as Buffett and Peterson says. Being able to get idea A out effectively and memorably
-we are likely to find someone who is good enough rather than meeting every expectation we are looking for.
-if you want perfection, you won’t have company. The more perfection you want, the less company you have.
-compromise is key. If one cannot compromise, one cannot have successful long term relationships