7 types of people to avoid in life

Certain people you meet in life should be in your life for the rest of your life. But other people are not as good. Some people I met in life and I realized in hindsight that the conversation should have ended at “Hello” with nothing more said or done. I certainly wish I wasn’t as easily impressionable in my younger years, and was so foolish that I was easily tricked. It’s with rather past misfortune that I’ve come up with a list of 7 types of people to not have in your life. Or at least, not close in life.

• the narcissist – I’ve written previously both with a blog of Dr Ramani about narcissism and a previous friend who was a narcissist. Deep down narcissists are miserable, insecure, antisocial, and oddly enough, project the exact opposite: charm, confidence, sense of entitlement and strong social observations/priming for victims of narcissistic supply. They often on initial impressions seem extremely amazing, whether men or women, and as a result, sucker people in, particularly those with opposing complimentary vulnerabilities, such as codependent empaths who came from a toxic family background. Historically the best way to find a long-term partner is someone who you meet in a consistent, neutral 3^rd party location, such as a church, community association, common hobby club. It makes sense why this would be the case. It helps to avoid the initial positive impression being set on by a narcissist or other manipulative types. By interacting with them in a neutral setting over a longer period of time, it’s easier to see the other person for what they truly are. Hard for the narcissist to fake it to someone when they don’t know who is the target. I’ve found this the only way to detect a narcissist, by extending the time duration, particularly in situations where they don’t already know to target me. Scams happen all the time by charmers, and I’m no exception to this rule. I’ve been able to see these fake charmers in live action, sometimes in appalling mannerisms, trying to woo others. Had this been done directly to me, I might have fallen for it. But in a neutral setting with many people, it allows me to get towards an accurate image of the narcissist, and then make the mental note that they are a narcissist and keep my energy away from them accordingly.
• the one who lacks empathy – Despite the negative fall out a narcissist may inflict, this category may be even worse, since it’s more encompassing. Someone who lacks empathy lacks the ability to see things from your perspective. I’m not sure if they don’t know how or don’t care to, but it doesn’t matter. The result is the same. In neutral situations such as a sports or book club, it may not matter if someone lacks empathy. But in close relationships, you end up feeling alone, not understood, not heard, or cared for. As Jean-Paul Sartre would say, if you are feeling badly or lonely when alone, then you are in bad company. Someone who lacks empathy is at best someone who you can be friends of pleasure with, but not the long-term friend of quality or virtue. As someone who lacks empathy gets older, even if they become aware of and want to change this lack of empathy, it often times works only a little and they are effectively the same, due to the lack of neuroplasticity as people get older. The same habits of not caring stay ingrained.
• the competitor – these types are just exhausting to be around. Filled with envy, they are always trying to be the best in everything. I remember one time I had bought a used textbook and a friend of the time bought the same textbook too for $5 cheaper. I ended up hearing about that a few times, oddly enough. Rather than trying to support you, they are like the sports team you are competing against. They are the one-uppers. To me, a competitive friend just feels like an enemy.
• the fickle-minded – inconsistent and constantly changing their minds to the point you don’t really know who they are or what they stand for. I like to change my mind too the moment I think I’m wrong on something or see a better way. In the long run, I end up losing the ability to trust someone fickle due to their actions, what they say and what they mean to be consistently inconsistent.
• the gossiper – Someone who is constantly talking negatively about others behind their back is going to do the same thing to you. What’s worse is if you are around these types, every time you meet them, they always seem to gossip. No one is free entirely from gossip as we all run into people that cause us a bad day. But the gossiper seems to think everyone is bad. What’s more bizarre to me is why gossipers are always complaining about people behind their backs that are willing chosen to be in their lives. Why not address the issue with that person, and if it doesn’t get addressed, well, then find different people to be around? Could it be that misery loves company and they are negative people and get a high off of this negativity. I’ve come to find this is pretty frequent across both men and women, so the stereotype isn’t true.
• People who are overly sweet to you and not others – This is effectively the fake type. People who do this are usually selfish takers, the ones who kiss up and kick down. To see someone’s character, see how they treat those below them, not above them. I suspect a waitress messing up someone’s order will be on the receiving end of frustration from these types, in a very blatant and intentional manner. Sweet on the inside, and absolutely the opposite on the inside.
• the social climber – I’ve met a few of these types and they usually are from business school, trying to make it big for themselves, ambitious, willing to cut corners, morals or people if it means they can get what they want. To them, the end always justifies the means. They almost behave like narcissists and will cut you out the moment they don’t find you useful anymore. They are friends usually only with people above them for a very specific purpose, such as for a job, to get good investment advice, etc. This might also be seen as the fair weather types.

The only issue with this list is that there are not going to be too many types that would be good long-term friendship or relationship material. Well, I guess the saying from Charlie Munger to only associate with marvellous people for close relationships is true.